One of the concepts that takes some getting used to at The Ranches is the idea that we are in a constant state of conflict.
This is not chaotic or unnecessary conflict, but the conflict that comes from working tirelessly to change people’s behavior. I would love to say that the adults work to change the behaviors of children, but in reality, all those of us who are involved in this organization have to change our behavior at times. As our staff acclimates to the environment of The Ranch, we must address issues that cause conflict with other staff and residents. At the same time, staff must address behaviors in children that cause conflict with other residents and staff.
Most people are raised to believe that conflict is a bad thing and that, in most cases, it should be avoided. This avoidance of conflict in a normal environment leads to an increased level of peace and an increased reliance on non-verbal communication. Anyone who has ever received “the look” from a parent knows how this non-verbal communication works. But, what if you don’t understand “the look” and what if you aren’t sure what silence means because you don’t have a long history with someone. This is referred to as a miscue and is the source of most of the tension we deal with.
Imagine if everyone you know started using sign language around you and expected you to understand the signing and the nuances of the conversation without spending the time to teach you sign language. Thus the conflict.
We spend an inordinate amount of time making sure that we communicate our expectations verbally to all those that are involved in our organization. We then spend an equal amount of time helping people understand the meaning of the miscues that happen when a non-verbal message is not received or is misunderstood.
Managing these communication issues and the conflict that they create is a big part of what we do and is one of the most important skill sets that we teach to our residents and our staff. It seems that, just when we get to the point that our communication issues are resolved with one resident, there is a need to start at the beginning with another. And so goes the cycle of conflict at The Ranches.
