As I talk with people about kids and the issues that they face, I am often met with a simple response, “Sometimes, you have to let kids fail.”
While I agree in principle, it is often a challenge to let kids fail in some areas while still giving them an opportunity in others. At the heart of the issue is the idea that you have to allow kids to fail and then teach them to have the resiliency and tenacity to continue to strive to achieve. In many cases, we face the daunting challenge of working with kids that are so accustomed to failure that they have started to define themselves as being a failure. At that point, letting them continue to fail only reinforces their view that they are a failure and have no chance at redefining themselves as someone who has failed, but is still valuable and able to succeed. At The Ranches, we work to replace a kid’s internal definition of themselves with a new definition that is based on the fundamental building blocks of success. We focus on what we consider to be the key building blocks:
Never Give Up – “Giving up is the only sure way to fail.” – Gina Showalter
This is a simple concept that it very difficult to teach. When a child has failed in school, failed in the relationships that are important to them, failed in convincing themselves that they have value and failed to control their life, their natural tendency is to stop working to succeed. Our first step is to convince a child to keep working towards a better tomorrow. We start with getting up early and working on chores that are beneficial to their living environment. Cleaning their room and successfully completing their chore in the cottage is fairly simply, but the results are immediate and visible to all. This is a building block for success.
Honesty – “No legacy is so rich as honesty” – William Shakespeare
The Ranches believes that honesty is the cornerstone of success and we stress the importance of being honest at every turn. Honesty with peers, honesty with adults and honesty with one’s self are all evaluated and discussed on a daily basis. As kids begin to grasp the concept of being honest, we can then transition to discussing the importance of honesty in the effort put forth, honesty in school and honesty on a time sheet.
Self-Awareness – “Who you are tomorrow begins with what you do today.” – Tim Fargo
Kids today are fed a steady diet of praise for being born and gracing the world with their presence. We have a tendency to want to make kids feel good enough about themselves so that they will want to be better. We have learned, through trial and error in many cases, that this is backwards. We work to teach kids that they feel good about themselves when they work hard and accomplish difficult tasks. This starts with self-awareness. Knowing that you have value is important, but knowing your talents and non-talents is much more important as an adult. Maximizing our talents and minimizing the impact of our non-talents leads to success for most people. As kids, we are sent the message that we need to be good at everything in order to succeed, but in reality, we just need to be good at something in order to find a career that we can be successful in. The Ranches works to bring out the talents of young people and then develop those talents. School, work, cooking, horses and our Windmill Approach classes are all designed to bring talents to the forefront.
Work Ethic – “Hard work beats talent when talent doesn’t work hard.” – Tim Notke
Teaching kids that work ethic is a fundamental building block for success is critical and a key focus of our work at The Ranches. Many kids today are told that they are special, that they are talented and that they have potential. While all of those things are true, they do not translate to results without work ethic. Every child at The Ranches works in our VoTech job training program on campus that requires them to work for about two hours a day. I’m not going to claim that they are appreciative of the work that they get to do, but the allowance that they receive that reflects how hard they worked starts the process of understanding the benefits of having a positive work ethic. As they start to become more responsible and begin to put forth greater effort, they can apply for raises or apply for other tasks that pay more. Reaping the benefits of hard work reinforces the importance of working hard. Unfortunately, we will never be able to give them a better past, but we can teach them to give themselves a better future by working hard and developing their talents.
Respect – “Respect is earned. Honesty is appreciated. Trust is gained. Loyalty is returned.” – Unknown
Many kids today are more focused on the idea of making sure no one disrespects them instead of working to be respected. Furthermore, honesty has become something that kids are taught to avoid. This makes trust and loyalty difficult to understand for many young people today. We work to teach kids that respect is something that is earned when you handle things in a respectable way through honesty, hard work and self-awareness. We utilize our horsemanship program to teach this fundamental building block as horses respond to their handlers based on how their handlers treat them. Once we can show kids the result of how they interact with the horses, we can transition the lesson to people. More importantly, we can teach kids to respect themselves enough to limit their relationships with people that don’t respect or value them. As kids progress through our program, these lessons begin to take hold and kids start to see that, while they may have failed, they are not failures. Once they can see themselves in this new light, we can start to teach them that success is just a by product of behavioral habits. Letting kids fail can teach a very valuable lesson, but teaching them to succeed despite their failure is the lesson that we focus on teaching at The Ranches. With your help, we can continue to Rekindle Hope in Today’s Youth.
