Kids today are often taught that mental toughness is based on one’s ability to complain about their circumstances and thereby negate negative criticism.
“You don’t understand how hard my life has been!” is more common that it has ever been. This, coupled with the idea that honest feedback is mean and people that disagree with a point of view are perpetrators of the crime of being “hateful” to those that have suffered a difficult childhood, has become a recipe for young people that are often seen as fragile and in need of artificial “safe spaces” in order to function. At The Ranches, we strive to counteract this way of thinking by teaching young people to accept constructive criticism and to strive to be mentally tough enough to move forward in spite of their circumstances.
This task is harder than it has ever been. So many adults in today’s world want to create a bubble that they, and their families, can live in that is free of negative feedback and only allows for opinions that validate and encourage the behavior of those that are in the bubble. Any challenge to unhealthy behavior or that which enables longstanding dysfunction that exists inside the bubble is seen as judgmental, oppressive or hateful. In our experience, we are even seeing kids fabricate difficult events from their past so that they can use their difficulties as an excuse for lack of results or for bad behavior.
In meeting this challenge, we focus on being honest with kids as often as possible. This has led to many kids wanting to leave our program because they are so used to being coddled and having people cater to them in fear of being labeled as mean or hurtful. We continue to be honest in spite of this and, given that a child commits to their own future, we start to see results over time. Kids start to embrace being honest and start to develop mental toughness if given the opportunity to see positive results. We are called “old fashioned” and “old school” in our approach, but we are committed to raising up children who are honest, self-aware and tough enough to move forward despite their difficult childhood or the criticism that inherently comes with being a functioning adult.
We need your help to continue to teach these valuable lessons to the young people that we serve.
