We have all made bad decisions at one time or another and we all must figure out
how we will respond to our own lack of judgement. I work hard to take responsibility,
learn from my mistake and take steps to ensure that I will not repeat the same
decision, but it hasn’t always been that way. I have had to learn, many times through
trial and error, how to handle the bad decisions that I make without compounding
them with more bad decisions.
When I was much younger, I tended to want to blame the people that “should” have
kept me from having to make decisions in the first place. This was usually my parents,
but sometimes my older sister got to share some of the blame for not preventing me
from making a bad decision. As I got older, I matured a bit and began to blame the
people that “should” have warned me that I might make a bad decision. I knew full
well that I was stubborn and independent, but wanted someone to prevent me from
feeling the sting of facing the consequences of my bad decisions.
Eventually, I matured to the point that I was able to recognize that life is, most of the
time, simply about the decisions that we make. We make some good ones and we
make some that we regret, but we must keep making decisions as we go through life.
We must decide who we spend time with and what we spend time doing. We must
decide what kind of car we can afford and, when we fail to correctly decide what time
we should get up in order to get to work on time, how fast we are willing to drive it.
We must decide which lessons are important to us and what advice we no longer want
to follow. In the end, blaming someone else for our decisions doesn’t really change
anything other than how likely we are to repeat the same mistake repeatedly.
It took some time, but I was also able to learn that making good decisions usually
involves giving up something that is fun or feels good. This concept is at the heart of
our work at The Ranches. We work to teach kids to start with making decisions that
will prevent someone from hurting or, in many cases, continuing to hurt them and
then continue making decisions that benefit them. Over time, we can create a pattern
of good decision making and show them the corresponding pattern of success in their
life. While it may feel good to have the acceptance of a group of friends that involves
you in their activities, it doesn’t feel good to take a ride in the back of a police car.
While it may feel good to argue about chores, it doesn’t feel near as good when you
have to go to bed early because you didn’t get your chore done in the allotted
amount of time.
Conversely, while it may not feel good to turn off the video game and study for a test,
it does feel good to get an A for the first time in a long while. While it may not feel
good to break up with a girlfriend or boyfriend that isn’t good for us, it does feel
good to like what we see when we take an honest look in the mirror. And while it
doesn’t feel good to be at The Ranches, it does feel good to walk across that stage at
graduation and know that college is really an option.
I certainly don’t have life all figured out yet, but I’m hopeful. I know that I make better
decisions today than I did 35 years ago. I also know that I make better decisions today
than I did five years ago. I work constantly to teach these kids, that I am fortunate
enough to serve, that good decisions make life a whole lot easier and more enjoyable.
Hopefully, one day, they will be reading an article like this because they made enough
good decisions to put them in a position to support us in much the same way that you
have.
By Heath Kull | theranches.org
