Our own separate and unique journey with grief and loss
We all have our own separate and unique journey with grief and loss. Some of us have minimal experience so each loss feels monumental while others have lost someone so close and special that all others pale in comparison. While we easily process this and understand it on an intellectual level, our emotions aren’t always as cooperative…and we tend to be as (if not more) judgements towards ourselves as we are towards others.
Loss hurts
The truth is, loss that hurts, hurts. And loss that doesn’t shake our emotional Richter Scale gets processed and compartmentalized differently than loss that hurts intensely.
But…and it is a big BUT…loss is cumulative and must be balanced by something bigger, greater, more powerful.
Many, when dealing with loss, find comfort in those still close by. Still others find comfort in God and Faith. Some throw themselves into work and some flippantly fall into fun and positivity.
The thing that creates the most difficulty though, is those who decide everyone around them should hurt because they are hurting. These people sulk and pout while being toxically reactive to anything positive or anyone who dares display positivity or lack of reverence for the one(s) who are hurting due to their loss.
Walking on eggshells
This creates a “walking on eggshells” dynamic where everyone, especially kids, are fearful and living in hypervigilance. This eggshell walk of hypervigilance isn’t about the one doing the walking as it has to be about the one grieving. Over time, eggshell walkers learn to ignore their own needs in favor of someone that they, due to those grievers in their past, can again walk on eggshells for.
Dancing on eggshells
People often wonder why someone would stay with someone who is toxic. The better question is, “Who taught them to dance on eggshells and why are they willing to do it for the one they are with?”
If you can understand this, you can help someone to prioritize their own needs and look for balance instead of broken eggs.
Heath Kull
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